The Cocroft kids with the Christmas tree.
YUMMY Christmas Eve Marshmallows

YESSSSS WE GOT A TENT!!!! for our family trip to Colorado.

Kaelyn and I listening to her I-pod.

Me and my shadow.....chillin in the kitchen floor.

I wanted to add some new pictures up. Today was a great day. All the kids were super happy about the camping stuff. They all knew it was for our trip out to Colorado. Presley is getting so big.

well for once I really don't have alot to say.

I love you all.

Tis' the season

For love, thanks, hope and so on
Love love love I am full of it...I LOVE life, everything, everyday, every smile, moment, breath and so on...that's all I have on the love side but it sums it all up pretty well.
I am so thankful for another Christmas with my best friend. When we met we each had our on share of emotional scars. We were broker then broke. But we had a deep newly found love for each other.That first year every gift we got the kids was from everything for a dollar, I got him a DVD player with what little I had "left over" but it was a GREAT holiday. I am thankful for my family I never thought I would have this in my life, before I met Don I was spending more and more time away from my own family off by myself, I felt they were ashamed of me and had reason to not want me there, but now we are very close and I spend as much time as I can with them even if it is just on the phone for hours. My children, what can I say even when they are bad they are still great kids. And I have great in-laws; really not just because you read my crazy ramblings...But because you are a part of my heart now, you have shown me kindness and love. I am thankful for memories, I have so many great ones that I don't know where to start so I won't try. I am thankful for the church. I have found joy beyond words. I have watched friends take lessons and become members, I have shared my experiences and my testimony with friends and family in hopes that someday they will become members too. In moments of trouble I know where to turn now instead of drinking until I could no longer feel(that costs too much and isn't very healthy).
~insert boo hoo~I am a real emotional little creature~
Right now I am hopeful that Don and I will find our way in our journey to quit smoking. I know it will happen but we want to be smoke free by the time (at the latest) that we go to Colorado for the family trip. Sometimes that seems to be coming quickly and this fight to stop is so hard. I have walked away from many bad things in my life and this is the hardest. I know we can do it. I feel like a turd when I lecture my kids about not doing it and then go have a smoke...uh yeah no logic in that really.
I am so excited to go camping this spring and summer. We want to do more as a family away from the TV and our butts. It just feels right to have time like this to get away from it all and make more lasting memories. I HOPE TO GO FISHING THIS YEAR!!!! I lived in a small town before I moved here with Don and I got to go fishing all the time, I love it...I miss it...I want to go this year. I wasn't always prissy I used to go frogging and fishing -yes I can clean and cook em!
I hope this year brings peace into many hearts.
okay PJ is crying THE UPSIDE DOWN SHOW is over now and she is finally ready for bed. Don left for work a little bit ago so we are up late... she was screaming for daddy and bye byes. So for now I must go. Hope you enjoyed the read.
=) Merry Christmas (=

Testing Testing

I was told by a woman at a yard sale we had that one time she had heard " If Satan isn't testing you and your faith he must be leading you or walking beside you". And honestly right now I am kind of feeling like it is time for him to move on and start testing else where. It feels like this past year as been one test after another and while I want to crawl in my bed and hide out until the storm passes I refuse to give up. I refuse to just feel okay there is nothing that will change this there is no way to make it better or make it all work out. I don't know why sometimes we feel picked on. (Ha funny visual big spooky devilish type chasing after my family like a bully on the play ground.) I don't know when we will get a break from it all, but in a way I am thankful for the testing, it shows me that we must be on the right track. It shows me that the more we try to reach our goal of going to the temple the more we get thrown at us to try and set that goal back one more day, year, whatever....GIVE UP mister Satan man, we are not yours to take, have, keep whatever our family belongs to heavenly father.
most recent testing...
Last night Dylan came home from his dads with saw dust in his eye so off to the ER we went to find that it had scratched it. He had been working cutting down trees with nothing to eat ALL day long and "forgot" to give him his meds. He will be fine but I wish his father would protect him more. he wants to join the Coast guard and his eyes are the most important thing to protect. I wanted to call and SCREAM at him, I wanted to tell him what bad choices he had made for his son that day, point out all the faults...but I resisted and waited....test, test,test.
Don had Christmas day off this year until his job called this morning bright and butt crack of daylight to tell us our plans had changed...again. Just one more test.
I know it seems funny to put this all out there but maybe typing this all out and the thought put into it will help us stay on the right side of things and not give in to the tests.
I am learning that the best answer isn't always yelling and trying to make people understand me when I am in a rage. It is better to stay calm and edit my mouth. Are there thoughts of telling those I don't like some pretty hateful things not as much but it is there I try to bite my tongue until it passes and stay calm when I talk to those people. It is easy to hate. It is oh so easy to hold grudges but that is not the life I want not the lessons I want to teach my children.
more rambling....so I will close for now. LOVE TO ALL!

paper roses...

Well Kae's birthday is here again she is 14. For 4 years now I have made paper roses to go along with her gifts no bows really just a rose or two made from wrapping paper on her presents. I will never forget the first time I made them.
It was her first birthday after they split up and we had just come back from Colorado it was Thanksgiving day. We rushed to Wal-Mart in a town 15 miles from where I lived at the time just to try and get her something. Don was a mess. I wrapped gifts for this child I had never met in pink Disney princess paper. When I got done I sat on the floor of my living room and made paper roses from the left over paper. Don watched in silence with tears in his eyes until I finished the last one bunched them up and taped them on top of one of the few boxes he had for her. She is the only person who gets them on her birthday and even now I can't think of anyone I would rather make them for.
I am so thankful to have this memory and the life Don and I have made together.
This simple memory will always have such a special place in my heart and hopefully maybe someday when she is grown I pray I will be able to teach her children to make paper roses for her birthday.

I made her this video. Yes her paper rose for the year is in it. hope you enjoyed watching. Don and I have always sang this song when it come to Kae and I so it was a must do kind of thing. I like making these and plan to make one for each of our children so stay tuned more to come.

My birthday gift for you

Jeff, Cassie and Family
I know I am not the worlds greatest writer. But I always have a million thoughts racing through my mind. Today is a day that I wish I could make them all make sense to more then just me. I wanted to give you part of my world today, and all I have to offer is simple words. I only know memories and pictures of this wonderful girl you love so deeply. I hope that I have done justice to her sweet spirit and can help you smile even if only for a moment. I love you all.

I wrote this based on the picture of Sidney curled on the counter in the sunlight and how it made me feel.

From pictures.
Curled peacefully knowing safety is near by.
Drawing in warmth and light.
Breathing silent love from parents that fills the room
teaching you, without words, how to love.
Smiling ready to explode into this world
and share the light you held within.
Sweetly growing with pure happiness shining in your eyes
Moving through life, leaving peace
where ever you go, little unseen gifts of self,
to comfort from in times of weakness.
Memories flutter through the air like angel kisses
letting everyone know you are still near.

gift for don.

I made this for Don the other day. He really enjoyed it and I hope you do too.

It is made up of pictures of all our children as they have grown since we met.

The word EVERYDAY has many meanings for Don and I we say it often...to us it means I would marry you again today or any other day for the rest of my life. Everyday of my life is yours. I know I know more mushy romance type stuff but I can't and don't want to change the way we feel for each other. The song fits the feeling of our family our life and the way we care for each other..who would have thought that Don would find this kind of love years ago, see a miracle. I never thought that I would love someone as deeply as I do Don. I was told I would never have children and now I have 5 wonderful, smart, loving, great great kids. I never heard the words "I'm proud of you" until I met Don and got to know each of you (what little we do know of each other). So this life, my life, my children, my family, my little world inside of this world is a daily miracle. okay enough I am tearing up now. I hope my rambling makes you smile, and feel my happiness through my words. more to come another day.

It's a great day

I had a wonderful birthday weekend. I got a new cell phone, BEAUTIFUL flowers, a game for my computer, cards, and most importantly I got to have us all together as a family. We got to go trick or treating, had some of our dearest friends over for dinner and laughed ALOT. What more could I ask for? I love getting cards in the mail for my birthday it always makes me feel so special, there is always a card in the mail that tells me someone is proud of me and that they are glad I am part of their lives, this is something I am not used to so I look forward to that I don't care about the gift in the card just what it says because I know it comes from a true place. It was the best birthday ever, I am now 31 and loving it.

My bithdayoween

One of my favorite days of the year is finally here. Today is my birthdayoween and I get to spend it with my husband and kids this year, which might not seem like anything extra special to anyone else but this is the first year since Don and I met that we will have all the kids here. This is also the day Don and I went on our first date. It was somewhere near 2 am and we went to Mcdonalds. Who knew that one dinner would make all my dreams come true. Four years later my heart still skips a beat when I look in his eyes. I really have a great life.
I woke up feeling more then blessed this morning.
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!! HAVE LOTS OF FUN TONIGHT.
i will post pictures of the kids all dressed up =)

BIG GIRL!

Presley Jane one year pictures!

Presley and her best buddy Abby!

Abby was born 5 months after Presely. Her mommy April is my dearest friend.

I hope the pictures made you smile. We all had a BLAST getting them taken. April and I were like little kids waiting for today to come so we could go pick them up.

I need to say....

There are so many things in this life I wish I could protect my children from. I wish I could stamp a warning label by their light switches or something....
it might look something like this.

CAUTION

In your lifetime you will find that somethings while they are

very desirable and beautiful are nothing more then ugliness hidden with in.

When you find those kind of things RUN! Run far and fast don't ever look back and

DO NOT let them hurt you they are only a temporary fixture in your life.

People will talk and words hurt, some stay with you for a lifetime, but you know who

and what you really are deep within yourself.

Don't be a person like that, hold your head up, live a good life and be a good person.

NEVER stop loving those who stand by you no matter what life brings,

if you let those people go you will regret it and wish you could have them

near to you again.

Know who you are, and never never let anyone make you feel shame for

being you.

NEVER give up on your dreams. I know at times it will feel easier to quit, but hold on

You will make it.

Life holds many great joys, and great sorrows.

Don't give in when things get hard there is better, there is more.

In this lifetime I will punish you, we will be angry with each other, but

My love and my time for you are endless. My life would never be the same

without you.

I feel better getting that all out.

OUCH my everything hurts!

Today was another day to watch a cross country meet. It would have been perfect if it wasn't so hot and on a dirt road in the middle of hells half acre UP hill. It was a true joy to push PJ in her stroller all over watching.
But aside from my few little bitchy things it was great Dylan ran 2 miles in 15mins 3 secs shaving 1min 43 secs off his normal time, placed 5th and got a metal!
PJ was less then a happy baby to drive with today she had a 40 minute screaming fit ALL the way there. She has a cold and is getting more teeth. JOY.
All the kids are doing well and happy. It has been a few weeks since we got to see them and that sucks but they are here now and I can get all caught up. It seems they all change so much in such a short time it feels like we are missing everything even when we do have lots of time with them. Charla is playing soccer again this year, and seems to like it well enough. Kaelyn is back at volleyball and hopes to compete in track. Drew is taking tae kwon do last we were told. Dylan is running cross country and is looking forward to basketball and track. All the big kids are in band and they all seem to love it.
Don and I are happy and doing well.
okay enough with this for today because lack of sleep makes me forget how to type and spell.

Presley Is getting so big! This is her yesterday all dressed up and ready for the day. Looking at this picture makes me smile.

More to come it seems we always have our camera in hand. All the kids are growing so fast. I am so blessed to have all of them in my life.

Amazed

Earlier today I got a call from Dylan's family to inform us of the loss of a young family member. I watched Dylan turn all his energy to PJ he wanted to hold her and play with her even more then he normally does, I think it was his way of dealing. When it was time for me to meet his father I told Dylan to lead with his heart, and maybe sit with his family members and pray, offer them any help that they might need. He looked at me with those beautiful blue eyes and said he wished he could do blessings for his family. And that melted my heart. To see this young man who will always be my little boy saying something so powerful and full of love for family members who don't have the same beliefs we do and often times will talk down about ours but he still has so much love and faith that he would want to share that with them.
I am amazed by Dylan and the strength of his faith. I know that my faith grows watching him become stronger. I am filled with so much joy when we go to church and I get to watch him pass sacrament. I know his love of the church will spread to all who are willing to hear his testimony and how it has changed the both of us. He is wonderful I am so proud to be his mom.

Sleepy me

Ahhh, What a day! I got to watch Dylan run in a cross country meet he came in 15th out of about 25 runners. I am so proud of him, even when he was behind he never just gave up and walked the rest of the 2 miles. Everyday he does something that is amazing to me, Not always good amazing but he is 14 so I guess he is "normal"
Presley went poop in her potty chair at only 13 months old she will say poo poo and pull at her diaper...we RUN to the potty and hope for the best, most times I am too late and she has already gone but we made it tonight.
I got to spend time with my husband and that always makes my life a better place to live. Donald is my best friend and so much more. being married to such a wonderful man is a dream come true.
yeah blah blah blah I know I am boring...what do you want from me I am a stay at home mom and I couldn't be more thankful for all that I have.

WOW

I was listening to a song I really love this morning and have heard a hundred times before. I was talking on the phone and decided I wanted to see the lyrics. The opening quote was heart breaking for me this is what I read "The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door and deny him with their life style. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable."~Brennan Manning.
It really made me think.
What do I show others that might cause confusion?, What can I do to change those things?, How many people can I really reach and aid them in finding truth and faith in heavenly father?.
Now I sit here listening to a room full of children shocked and rather sad because I know that there is a chance no matter how small that one of them might grow to feel confused about Heavenly father and it just seems unfair.
What changes can I make?
I know I can show more love, and kindness. Instead of cursing under my breath about the person who cuts me off on the highway I could just let it pass. What good does it do to yell at them anyway?
I could teach my family that REAL love is the kind that never changes or goes away when times are hard and money is gone.
I could also spend more time listening and less time having them do their chores and being grumpy. The dishes will be fine, they never go away without help there will be time for them when a child doesn't want to talk to me about life.
I could let go of the anger I have for people in our life that we can't just walk away from but I can find some way of emotionally walking away so it doesn't effect the love and peace in our home or the way I advise our children.
I can read the scriptures more and complain about having no time less.
I can set the table and have everyone sit down and talk about whatever their minds think of. Laugh more and spend more time playing with the kids.
I can lead and not just sit back watching time pass.
I can find a place for us to volunteer as a family.
I can tell every child in my life how beautiful and loved they are, be an ear, friend, aunt, mom, whatever they need me to be.
Okay the list is long, now what? I guess it's time for me to start change. I am aware and know there are changes I can make now......JUMP!

the song is by DC Talk it is called what if I stumble.